Physical Agitation! is a fanepisode that aired on October 24, 1992.

Synopsis[edit | edit source]

Feeling that Bentley doesn't have any athletic skill, Lisa and Bert construct an obstacle course, as Ralph tries his hand at solving crosswords.

Transcript[edit | edit source]

Cold Opening[edit | edit source]

(At the Raccoondominium...)

Lisa - Bentley will have to have academics and athletics if he wants to go to a good college.

Bentley - I don't know if that's a good idea...

Cedric - An exercise program?

(In Bentley's room...)

Nicole - There’s nothing wrong with calisthenics, but don't overdo it.

Bert - Callous-what?

(Lisa and Bert look at a shadow of something big)

Lisa - What do you think, Bert?

George - Oh, my goodness!

Main Story[edit | edit source]

(The scene fades in to Bentley's house as the title card "Physical Agitation!" appear and vanish after a few seconds.)

Narrator - For most in the Evergreen Forest, exercise is important in their lifestyles, to build up their strength, increase stamina, run faster, perhaps have a stronger grip. (The scene zooms in to Bentley's room, where he is sadly doing his homework.) But, for some like Bentley Raccoon, the exercise he'd mostly do, is exercising his brain.

Bentley - Hmm. The number of a raccoon's teeth is 40, so 40 minus 29 days of February on a leap year. That makes 11 so far. 11 times 6 alkali metals in the periodic table. So 11 times 6 equals 66. (Hears three knocks on the door.) Come in.

Lisa - (opens the door) Bentley, I thought we could watch mishaps on camera— what's wrong?

Bentley - Well, three things happened. One of the teachers retired, the school newspaper is under new management, and the school board cut Physical Education from the school. And I'm in the middle of my math homework.

Lisa - What? But, physical education is required in school. It's set to promote physique, psycho-motor learning, and helping to learn the rules of most games.

Bentley - Required?

Lisa - Yes. I practiced plenty in Physical Education. I run laps, did push ups, pull ups, and played soccer in elementary school.

Bentley - Really? (In his mind, he imagines playing soccer.)

Lisa - Don't worry, little brother. Tomorrow, before class starts, I'll talk to Mom and Dad about it. Though, I doubt They'll help.

Nicole - Help what?

Bentley - Mom?

Lisa - Bentley's school cut Physical Education.

Nicole - I see. People need sports to better their physique for ze future. Even I had fun playing as much as I enjoyed watching.

Bentley - You played sports, Mom?

Nicole - I wish. I hoped to play but most of the games are what they call... "boys only". Of course, I did have some success with track & field, tennis, and swimming.

Lisa - Mom...

Nicole - Don't worry. George and I will help. (Lisa tearfully hugs her.) Lisa?

Lisa - Mom, you never told me you were interested in sports when you were young.

Nicole - Well, what did you think you got your sports prowess from, your Dad? (she hugs Lisa as the screen blacks out)

(At the Raccoondominium as morning came, Bert gets up and goes down the stairs to see Ralph arrange pieces of paper with black and white squares, making him trip up.)

Bert - Morning, Ralph. Hey, are you making modern art?

Ralph - Oh. Good morning, Bert. And no, I bought a over a dozen fun-size crossword puzzles.

Bert - I hope you're not intending to solve them on your own.

Melissa - Of course, he intends to, on his own. I tried to offer my help, but he turned me down. But, I'm sure Ralph can have fun on his own as much as he will with his wife and friends. (Bert goes to the door) Where are you going, Bert?

Bert - Going to the clubhouse, until Bentley returns from school. At least I'd be out of Ralph's way for most of the day.

Melissa - Hmm. Good idea, Bert. Ralph, I'll be taking photographs.

Ralph - Okay, have fun. "Ten letters. Goes in and out of a room with no prints?" (Melissa shrugs her shoulders and leaves the Raccoondominium, and Bert follows.) No, it's "twelve letters, colorful fish." Hmm... (thinks, then gets an idea) Oh! It's "rainbow trout". Let's see...

(The scene changes to Evergreen Library, where Bentley is reading a book about sports.)

Bentley - Hmm. (thinking) Fencing is the sport with the terms "En Garde", "Sabre", and "Foil"?

Librarian - Bentley, what are you reading?

Bentley - Shh! (quietly) I'm reading a book about sports, and why it's essential to have them at schools.

Librarian - (quietly) I see. It's saddening that the principal doesn't think so. She thinks they're a waste of time.

Bentley - (quietly) I'm sure my sister would be infuriated if she heard that. (sees his parents outside, looking sad) I guess Mom and Dad wasn't able to convince her. What now...?

(At Sneer Mansion, Cyril is watching television.)

Cyril - Yes! Come on! Do it! No, go slowly! I said, slowly! No! Another failed athlete!

Cedric - Pop, what’s with all the screaming?

Cyril - Huh? Oh, Cedric. Another so-called athlete failed on the stiller's obstacle course.

Cedric - Stiller?

Cyril - Yeah! Some amazing walks on stilts through eight obstacles, maybe ten. In fact, there were those that try while making handstands, pogo sticks, even unicycles.

Cedric - Pop, that’s not something you should watch. You know how imitating those things could be dangerous.

Cyril - (sighs) Unbelievable, my own son doesn’t believe in me.

(Cuts to Bert comes to Bentley's house and knocks on the door)

George - Come in!

Bert - (opens the door) Uh... I hope I didn't come at a bad time.

George - Oh, don't worry. We... tried to convince Bentley's principal to not cut physical education from the school, but... she wouldn't listen.

Bert - What?! I don't believe it! Why would a school principal deny his students--

George - The principal's a she, Bert.

Bert - Sorry. ...deny HER students a chance to exercise and play sports?

Trivia[edit | edit source]

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