Pyramid Scheme! is a fanepisode that aired on September 19, 1993.
Synopsis[]
Bert, Lisa, and the Pigs are caught up in a pyramid scheme to sell compost canisters. Meanwhile, Melissa and Ralph enter a TV game show.
Transcript[]
Cold Opening[]
Voice - Get your own stands and sell, sell, sell!
Bert - What are you selling?
Pig 3 - Once we're done selling those compost canisters, we'll be rolling in cash!
Melissa - Moment of truth time, Ralph. Ready?
Dirk - The more spotlights you cover and get correct, the more money and prizes you get!
Ralph - Uh-oh...
Main Story[]
(The scene fades in to the Raccoondominium, as the title card "Pyramid Scheme!" appear and vanish after a few seconds.)
Narrator - Many families treasure their moments with their next generation. Of course, for Ralph and Melissa, making memories with their daughter, turns to be a chore. (Melissa prepares to take a picture of Wendy being held by Ralph)
Melissa - Okay. Say "cheese"! (a click is heard, but makes Wendy shed a tear)
Ralph - Oh no. What's wrong? Are you okay? I'll take care of this, Melissa. (Makes a silly face, making Wendy smile.) Whew. That's better. You're right, Melissa. We need a video camera.
Melissa - Yes, but they cost a lot of money.
Ralph - Hey, look at this!
TV - Are you looking to make some money and get prizes you hope to have for your family? Then, try your luck at the game show, Fickle Spotlights! So, if you got what it takes, come to KVNG-TV. And the bonus round promises the winning couple money and five prizes of your choice.
Melissa - Then that’s where we’re going.
Ralph - Um... We’ll need someone to watch over Wendy.
Melissa - Hmm. Oh! We’ll have your brother babysit Wendy until we get back.
(The screen blacks out, and fades in to Sneer Mansion)
Cyril - Hmm. 10,000 stocks in the Pinnacle Corp... up 3 points. 5,000 stocks in Portable Housing Company, 67 cents up... (Phone rings.) Sneer Enterprises. Huh? Reaping Peat Industries? (The Pigs listen in.) A deal I can't turn down? (The Pigs go downstairs and pick up a phone quietly.)
Man on Phone - So, if you want to be rich-- or richer, I'll need you to be a supporter and sell merchandise made by Reaping Peat Industries...
Pig 1 - Reaping Peat Industries?
Pig 2 and Pig 3 - Shh!
Cyril on Phone - Look, I don't know what shoddy products you're selling, but, I'm not interested!
Man on Phone - Please, All you have to do is just walk around, and ask customers to buy plenty of our products. compost canisters, compactors, miniature greenhouses--
Cyril on Phone - What part of "I'm not interested" did you not understand? I said no! (a phone click is heard.)
Pig 1 - Did you hear that? The boss refused to get interested in making a deal with Reaping Peat Industries!
Pig 3 - Maybe the boss had a good reason.
Pig 1 - Good reason? He missed out on an offer, and we're going to take that offer.
Man on Phone - Uh... hello?
Pig 2 - He's still on the line?
Pig 1 - Uh... hello? Um... what kind of deal were you wanting to make?
Man on Phone - Well, if you must know, a revolutionized way to pack compost, they’re known as the compost canisters, best for packing discarded veggies and fruits, among other products.
Pig 1 - Really? You got three workers to help, sir.
Man on Phone - Well, I'm glad someone’s opened His eyes. Bring yourselves and some of your friends to warehouse 89, at 4 PM tomorrow. And you'll hear all you have to know about getting rich faster than your rivals. Also... whoever can sell the most merchandise and signing the most for the cause, will get a special prize.
Pig 2 and Pig 3 - Special Prize?
Pig 1 - Shh! Okay! You got a deal. And thank you! (hangs up phone) Well, guys, once we're done selling those compost compactors, we'll be rolling in cash! (the screen blacks out)
Ralph - So, are You ready for tomorrow?
Melissa - Yeah, I am. I only wish Wendy could come along. at least George and Nicole will watch over Her.
Ralph - Yeah. I trust Bert, but, anyone with experience as a parent would be a good babysitter.
(Outside the Raccoondominium, Bert makes a pawstand for a few seconds, but falls on his back.)
Bert - Ow! Four seconds. Huh? (he sees the Pigs approach him) What do you want?
Pig 1 - You could join us on the crusade to sell, a new generation of products!
Bert - Really? What are you selling? (Melissa watches from his window)
Pig 2 - Compost Canisters, for one. Only for packing unwanted food refuse.
Pig 3 - But, I think the products Reaping Peat Industries are selling is just junk. (Pig 1 and 2 glare angrily at him.)
Melissa - Reaping Peat Industries? (Takes a picture with her camera.) For tomorrow's edition.
Bert - I'm not really convinced, you guys. I think you're getting scammed.
Pig 2 - Ha! Believe what you must. (The Pigs leave)
Ralph - A scam? (Comes out of the Raccoondominium.) Bert, I just heard from Melissa that Mr. Sneer's assistants might be involved in a scam.
Bert - So, you want me to follow them?
Ralph - No-- I mean, yes. Once you find out what the scam is, hightail it to the Evergreen Standard.
Bert - Okay. I'll be sure to be careful. (Follows the Pigs as the screen blacks out.)
(The scene changes to outside Bentley's house, where Bentley and Lisa are looking at the clouds.)
Bentley - This is the life, isn't it, Lisa?
Lisa - You bet, Bentley. Oh, hey! This cloud looks like an elephant.
Bentley - Oh. Hey! This one looks like a penguin.
Pig 1 - And this one looks like a moneybag.
Lisa - I don't-- Oh! I see it now. Huh? (Her attention turns to the Pigs.) Mr. Sneer's Assistants?
Pig 1 - And we have something that could make you rich, beyond your wildest dreams. Courtesy of... ta-da! Reaping Peat Industries! (Bentley and Lisa give an awkward look.) No? (Bert hides behind a shrub.)
Pig 2 - Let me handle this. for every person we sign up for the cause, we get a name in a raffle. Our name is selected, we get a special prize.
Bert - Special prize?
Pig 3 - It's anyone's guess on what it is, But since our boss refused to take part-- (Pig 1 and 2 muffle his mouth.)
Bentley - Mr. Sneer didn't want any part of it?
Pig 2 - Nope. And perhaps Your sister might want to be on the bandwagon of determined salespeople of RPI come tomorrow?
Lisa - Me?
Pig 1 - Yes. Wish I could say the same for Bentley, but he's too young.
Bentley - Yes, and I have school tomorrow.
Bert - Wait! Wait! (Catches his breath.) I'd like to be a salesperson as well.
Pig 2 - What changed your mind?
Bert - You said there was a special prize, right? What is it?
Pig 1 - We don't know for sure, but it will be beyond our imagination. You'll help recruit others until tomorrow, right? (Lisa becomes uneasy as the screen blacks out.)
(Inside a TV studio, Ralph and Melissa are among 48 other animals.)
Ralph - Are you ready, Melissa?
Melissa - Ready, Ralph. (The lights black out, and spotlights circles around the 50 contestants.)
Announcer - Tonight, fifty competitors will test their intelligence and speed to get to a certain spotlight, in hopes of winning cash and prizes on...
Audience - The Fickle Spotlights! (then claps and cheers)
Announcer - And now, the host of the Fickle Spotlights, Dirk Dassie!
(the audience claps and cheers)
Dirk Dassie - Welcome everyone! Well, we got ourselves a mob here. 25 teams of two have gathered, but only one will come out standing, to win piles of prizes! And We're ready for round one called, one right spotlight. I'll ask a multiple choice question, once I'm finished reading, You are to rush to the spotlight You think is correct. If You're wrong, You're out of the game, but if You're correct, You'll get points, that You can trade away for time, provided You get to the great runaround. Are You ready? (The contestants cheer.) Okay! Question one. Silk is made from what, an animal, mineral, or vegetable? Go! tThe Contestants rush to the spotlight they think is correct.)
Ralph - Animal?
Melissa - Animal. (They rush to Spotlight A.)
Dirk - Okay! Everyone got to their spotlights. The correct answer is... (Spotlight A turns green.) Animal! a.k.a. Spotlight A. Sadly, 4 couples are done for the day. but, everyone else got 20 points except for Edwin and Alice who get a bonus 10 points for reaching the correct spotlight first! and We'll keep going until 5 couples remain. Now, for the next question.
Ralph - Uh-oh... (The scene blacks out and changes to a dilapidated warehouse. Inside, Bert, Lisa, the Pigs and a few other animals wait.)
Voice - Ladies and gentlemen... we thank you for coming to this location to be Salespeople for Reaping Peat Industires. (A movie plays a film of some products.) For becoming salespeople for RPI, You'll get a cut of what You'll sell, compost canisters, portable compactors, miniature greenhouses, and lemon spray.
Lisa - Hmm. the small greenhouses show promise. (Bert nods.)
Voice - Also, as promised, the salesperson who can sell the most merchandise, will win the special prize.
Animal - What is it?
Animal 2 - Yeah! What?! (The other animals chatter.)
Voice - All in due time. But, for now, get your own stands and sell, sell, sell! (The animals sprint to the stands as a dust cloud covers the scene.)
Bert - What? Wait, what's going on?
Lisa - Bert, are you alright?
Pig 1 - Watch out! (The scene changes to the Game show set, Where Ralph and Melissa stay in the spotlight.)
Dirk - True or False, The moon is made of cheese. Three seconds!
Ralph/Melissa - False!
Dirk - Correct! (An air horn is heard.) And time is up! with a last minute guess, Ralph and Melissa will be going to the great runaround! with a whopping 160 points, which will be traded away as seconds for the great runaround!
Melissa - Ralph, We're going to the final round! (Hugs Ralph.)
Ralph - I'll admit, I was worried, but We came through.
(At a School classroom, Bentley is with a few classmates.)
Student - You must be ready for a great weekend with your family, right? Something wrong, Bentley?
Bentley - (Sighes.) My sister and her friend might be involved in a scam.
Student - What kind, Bentley?
Bentley - Well, yesterday, three certain characters think that Reaping Peat Industries might give them a lot of money.
Student - Reaping Peat Industries? That company has been making pyramid schemes for 5 years.
Bentley - Pyramid Scheme? (The school bell rings.)
Teacher - Okay, everyone. Have a great weekend.
Pig 1 - Let go! denying us a chance to sell some promising products. (He, some of the students and the teachers look outside to see a janitor try to push pigs 1 and 2 out of the school with difficulty.)
Janitor - No solicitors.
Pig 2 - You're only making it worse for yourself.
Bentley - (Thinking) Oh, no. If Lisa's involved... (Out loud) I got to get home, and fast!
(The song "Hold Back Tomorrow" plays as Bentley heads for His home, while getting past a mob of Reaping Peat Industries salespeople. some He manages to evade, some He jumps over, then He goes in the house and shuts the door, breathing hard to catch His breath as the song winds down.)
Nicole - Bentley. You look like You ran a marathon-- (She sees George quietly wave His arms.) Oh. (Quietly) Me and George are watching over Ralph's daughter. But, did You come here to say something?
Bentley - (Quietly) Yes, Mom. What's a pyramid scheme? (Nicole and George look at each other with worried looks.)
Nicole - (The scene changes to Bentley's room.) Son, a pyramid scheme is where one person tells two people, that they can make a fortune selling something nobody needs, like... a wasp feeder, a Pig-screen TV, a Giant Joystick--
Bentley - Oh, Yeah. I remember those. But, if no one is buying, how will those two make money?
Nicole - Well, They have to talk to four people into selling, then they have to find 8, then on and on, then at some point, if everyone is selling, and no one buys, They all go broke. Well, except the one who started the pyramid.
Bentley - Wow. That should be illegal.
Nicole - It IS illegal..But, why were You wanting to know about it?
Bentley - Well, I saw Mr. Sneer's workers trying to sell at My school today. and chances are, Bert and Lisa might be involved in the scam.
Nicole - What?
(The Scene changes to Sneer Mansion's office where Cyril is writing down some notebooks.)
Cyril - Hmm. Pinnacle Corp, Up. Rising Bar Corp, Down-- Oh... Pigs! I need a new pen! (A Phone rings.) Sneer Enterprises. Oh, Bentley. Something the matter? What?! The Pigs are in a Pyramid Scheme? Bert and Lisa, too? I'm on My way! Cedric! get My car! (The scene blacks out and fades in to the game show set.)
Dirk - Ralph. Melissa. You made it all the way to the end, and You'll be going to the great runaround with 2 minutes and 40 seconds. As You can see, There are 25 Spotlights, each one representing an answer. and the screen will ask You 25 questions. You'll each take turns to run to the spotlight where You think the correct answer is. if you're correct, It will turn green. but, if You're wrong, You'll hear a buzz, but we'll come back to it, if time permits. You're also free to pass, if you want. in fact, for every spotlight You turn green You get some money, but for every five spotlights you turn green You get these prizes!
Announcer - How right You are, Dirk! Ronald and Melanie...
Ralph/Melissa - What?
Announcer - for five correct answers, You'll win a $500 Blue Oak Furniture Gift Certificate, whether it's modern or old style, Blue Oak is the place for Your furniture needs! make 10 spotlights green, You'll be entitled the Doki-Doki Karaoke System, this singing system lets you sing to Your favorite songs, and record them for good measure. 15 green spotlights, wins you Camping Equipment! From Shinrin, You'll receive a camping tent, sleeping bags, a camping stove, and more! get 20 green spotlights, and You'll win Your very own TV/VCR combination! You can watch Fickle Spotlights, the news, your favorite cartoons, or the stock market with your own 21 inch television/Video Cassette recorder from Denkiko Technologies. And if You get all 25 spotlights lit up, You’ll win a Video Camera! From Epsilon Technologies, This high-powered VHS Camcorder, includes a high-powered microphone, and a stand! You'll also get 50 Blank VHS tapes, so You can record Your memories for future generations to see! From Epsilon technologies. Good luck!
Dirk - Good luck, indeed. Now, since You'll trade turns, who wants to go first?
Ralph - You up for it, Melissa?
Melissa - Me?
Ralph - You're faster.
Melissa - Okay. (Kisses Ralph.) for luck. (The Song "Hold Back Tomorrow" plays, as Melissa gets ready.)
Dirk - Three... Two... One... Go! (Melissa runs to one spotlight, and it turns green. then, She races to Ralph and high-fives him. Ralph slides into one spotlight, which turns green. soon, in quick shots, Melissa and Ralph slide into the spotlights, some of them turn red, and some of them turn green, then with 4 seconds left, Ralph makes a dive for one of the spotlights, as the song ends and the screen blacks out.)
(The scene fades in to the Evergreen Forest, where Cyril is in His car with His megaphone.)
Cyril - Those of You who have been recruited by Reaping Peat Industries, You have been scammed of your money! return to Your homes! (Gets pelted with a rotten tomato.)
Cedric - You okay, Pop?
Cyril - I'm fine, son. That malcontent will get his. Huh? (Sees two of the Pigs refusing to leave the school, as the Janitor still struggled to push them out the door)
Pig 2 - We're not leaving until you decide to buy something!
Janitor - What part of "No Solicitors" did you not understand?
Pig 1 - I can't believe people like you would refuse to help a noble salesperson in need.
Cyril - Pigs?! What do you think you’re doing?
Janitor - Those three brutes are trying to sell shoddy merchandise, and they refuse to leave.